I am crying I love this too much
Male Legislators who think Birth Control pills only serve as contraceptives and are unnecessary:
Real Hacker vs Movie Hacker
real hacker: So you say you're gonna break into our local nuclear power plant? I really don't think that's possible
movie hacker: *types a few keystrokes* I'm in
real hacker: But the power plant's computers aren't even connected to the internet
movie hacker: I said I'm in. Now I'll cause a meltdown *types a few keystrokes* Done
real hacker: What do you mean done? There have to be many redundant safeguards in place to stop a meltdown. In any case, a meltdown would take time.
movie hacker: Want me to break into the CIA next?
real hacker: I don't even think you should attempt to...
movie hacker: *types a few keystrokes* Too late. I'm in
*annoying fifth grader voice*
haha spell icup
Papa Claws: i just punned and i heard a loud sigh from the bathroom
Wandering Dreamer: lol
Wandering Dreamer: what was the pun?
Papa Claws: what's teh difference between a nasty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants
Papa Claws: one's a crusty bus station
Papa Claws: the other's a busty crustacean
Wandering Dreamer: *loud sigh from the general Tampa area*
it is sep 1st so basically happy halloween
when i turn on the ceiling fan and it goes too fast, i feel like it’s gonna fly off and kill me
Why do you want to be a comedian?
the free stool with a glass of water on it
the fact that there have been no leaked nudes on my dashboard proves that i’m following the right people
"Tell your boyfriend, if he says he’s got beef, that I’m a vegetarian and I’m not fucking scared of him," is still one of the best lines I have ever heard in all my years.
my little cousin got bit by a house spider and she was crying so i went to get some stuff to soothe and numb it but before i could even walk out the door i heard her quietly whisper ‘i can’t handle the responsibility of being spiderman’